Another soldier says he's not afraid to die. Well I'm scared.

I have a fourteen year old cousin named Amanda, and she is brilliant. She's funny, outgoing, witty, and an all around beautiful person.

She stands at 5'4 and weight around 180lbs.

And she cries every night because of that.

She is so disgusted with herself that, at fourteen, she has become bulemic.

So sometimes, I cry with her.

I can't understand it.  Our differences make us human.

She's fourteen. She's bulemic. She's beautiful. She breaks my heart.

She hates herself, because people tell her she should.

But it's not just her.

It's everyone.

Even me.

So next time you decide to ridicule someone, think of my little cousin.

Think about how, if she had been loved instead of hurt, maybe she wouldn't have such a terrible disorder.

And, please, think about the fact that a kind word instead of a cruel one really does make all the difference.

In recent news, I have fallen in love with Hidden in Plain View, and the Starting Line.

Love always,

Sam.

I have family in today.

Joy of all resounding fucking joys.

I've got the typical cousins that follow me around a lot (younger, about 8 or 9 years old) and then the horny boy cousins that want to hump everything in sight, and the uber cool cousin around my age that gives me a bit of a reprieve from eveyone else (thanks Heather...).

And I'm scheduled for even MORE family in the next few days.

Again. Joy of all joys.

I hate family get togethers.

It's raining.

I think about depressing things a lot. It's not a secret, and I've never been ashamed of it.

I was called a cynic today, I suppose the accusation has merit.

But somewhere between being slightly awed that the person even knew what a cynic was and agreeing with them, I felt slighted.

Who are these people to presume to know what I've been through? Who are these people to believe that every single bitter thought I express is unfounded?

The answer:  no one.

I have no one who knows me and what I've been through to the point that they could pass judgement if they so pleased.

I have no confidants.

Isn't it odd that a remark about one aspect of my personality can snowball into an in depth look at my entire situation?

Again, perhaps I'm just over analytical.


***

I want you all to know that the things I post here aren't the whole of my personality.

Often times, the things you read will be the things I don't have the courage, or desire to say to the people who know me best (no matter how slightly that may be).